I swear, I lived.

I fell in love with this song the first time I listened to it. It gives me the right push that I cannot give myself to go about my day. I am automatically placed in a better mood after listening to this song because it reminds me that I’m only 20 years old. Now, I don’t say that in a bragging way if any of you were offended. I literally mean that I am just 20 years old. Meaning, I have time to travel, to meet new people, to dance, to overcome fears, to build a career, and whatever else I can do.

I’ve made the mistake of trying to figure life in general immediately countless of times which leads me to panic, and I feel like I just end up looking at things instead of seeing and experiencing them for what they are.  But, I’m learning from that mistake now. This song helps me overcome that.

When I’m 80, I will utter the words, “I swear, I lived”. But for now, 60 years prior to that, I will Carpe-the-shit-out-of-the-Diem and go by the words I wrote on my college yearbook, “…no regrets, just lessons learned and a lot of fun”.

Letters

When I was in elementary school, I used to collect stationeries. I’d always go into the bookstores and grab as many stationery packs my mom would allow me to get. I went craaaaazy! Literally, I’d go to the bookstore at least 3 or 4 times a week, and get at least 5 packs per visit. I was obsessed. Now, when I was starting to collect these, I did not want to use them for their sole purpose which was to be used for giving out letters. I ‘d just keep them in my stationery box and admire how pretty they all look. My mother thought I was weird. She kept nagging me why won’t I use any of them even if I buy a billion of them per week.

Sooner or later, I got the chance to use them. I don’t really remember the first time I used them, but I do remember using them in the 5th grade. My teacher brought this sort of mail house thing in our class room. You’d take the roof out, I believe,  and you can leave letters in the house to your fellow classmates. My teacher thought this was a neat idea to give messages anonymously (which didn’t really make sense since we were a class of about 20? and we all knew each others’ hand writing) or not within the class.

So, I’d receive really nice letters or notes from friends (which BTW I still have with me to this day!), and I too would return the kind gesture. I developed a liking to writing letters, and I just love love love receiving them too! I wrote to my parents when it was their birthday or during a special holiday and to my other family members on similar occasions.

Now that I’m older and can appreciate the beauty and thought that people would pour into their letters, whenever I’d receive one (which is very very rare now because hello technology!), I feel very loved and cared for. I have a couple of friends in different parts of the world, and they’ve sent me postcards from where they were at. Those are really nice to receive too because for me, it’s like wherever they are, at least they were able to remember me.

Receiving a hand written letter is so special, don’t you think? It means that whoever sent it to you wanted to take a lot of time and effort to express whatever they wanted to say as opposed to typing it on their phones or on a facebook message box and hitting send. Even if it was just a simple, “thank you”, “Merry Christmas”, or “I’m sorry” and even if that was it, I mean, that was all that was written on the paper or card, it feels more real and genuine. The connection from one person to another is so much stronger when you have this physical, tangible object at your hands that prove to you that you are or were communicating with someone real, someone alive instead of having to read perfect Times New Roman texts that lack the flaw and artistry that the human hand can deliver.

Yes, it takes a lot of time. Yes, it is easier to just press send. BUT, who says you have to do it all the time? You can send a letter on one’s birthday or during special occasions like the one that is coming up soon. Writing letters is such a beautiful thing that a ton of people have forgotten – especially my generation. (My dad’s sisters, who live in the US, still write him 3836414321 paged letters. They’re really nice!)

Today, I’d like to share that my boyfriend gave me a letter. We went out to have lunch, watch Delivery Man (I highly recommend this movie, guys! I really liked it!), and go on a bit of Christmas shopping for my sister and niece. I was really surprised to receive the letter because it wasn’t something that I was expecting to get or for him to be capable (HAHA) of doing something that thoughtful. So, thank you! It was a really nice surprise :) If you want to read it, I posted it on my tumblr blog….here.

Hopefully, I can make it a habit again to collect stationeries (mature looking ones this time) to send out to friends and family. Actually, I have tons of stuff I want to do aside from this HAHA which is making 2014 sound really exciting and stressful, but gotta live life a bit more colorful and fun :)

How We Almost Became Strangers Again

“I don’t feel the same way anymore.” I told him that last Friday while we were having dinner with my college friends. We told them we were going for a walk, but truth is, we were just outside the restaurant trying our best to patch things up. He kept telling me he loved me, and I kept telling him “I don’t know”. (Actually, I did know. I was just being stubborn and didn’t want to get hurt again.) I was crying, and he teared up as well.

Before all this happened, we were definitely so in love and happy. He thinks its the happiest we’ve ever been. We were even daydreaming about going to Palawan on one of anniversaries when we were old enough and had saved up enough money. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? But just like on any roller coaster, when you first muster up the courage to take your seat, pull down the safety bar, and wait anxiously and painfully (with maybe tears streaming down your face) for the coaster to climb for what feels like an eternity, before you are swept away into a high and a mixture of happiness and vulnerability…  - we were there. We were in that struggle again. The only difference this time is, the tracks on this coaster we rode on seemed to be at a dead end before it reached the top.

He hurt me greatly, and I told him that I’ve had enough. Typical. I automatically built my wall again, which he was successfully able to tear down before. We took a break for a week. The first two days were terrible. I kept checking his twitter or facebook for updates, but on the third day, I got over it. I got scared that it was that easy for me to almost give up on this almost 2 year relationship, but I was frustrated and all my guards were up that I didn’t care.

He texted me on the fourth day at 5am. He texted so many messages simultaneously that the text tones created like a continuous alarm tone that eventually woke me up for work. His messages were heart felt and I finally knew what I was searching for on his twitter and facebook accounts, that he was hurting too. He texted a lot about how sorry he was, how he would change, and treat and love me the way that I deserve to be treated and loved. I kept replying that I wasn’t sure if we were going to be okay again or that I didn’t trust him anymore. I was scared. He kept telling me he loved me, but I couldn’t say it back just yet. I cried some more, and I think that he did too. He was all talk, so I really couldn’t completely see how sincere he was until he would deliver it with actions. I invited him to have dinner with my college friends and I on Friday to hopefully make things better.

I didn’t know what to expect or do when Friday came. I was 60% sure of forgiving him and 40% sure of just hiding behind my wall, trying to play all tough and out of love. My friends and I picked him up at St. Francis Square. At that time, my friends didn’t know that we were having problems. I didn’t want them to worry. He had yellow roses with him and wore a yellow polo top. He has never given me flowers just because in the whole time we’ve been dating. You knew he would do everything he could to win me back. My friends got all giddy, and I have to admit I did too, but again, I was stubborn and still behind my wall to show any emotion.

And now, we’re back to the beginning of this story. We talked, and I told him I didn’t feel the same way anymore. That wasn’t completely true. It was a constant dance between me holding his hand, and 5 minutes later, I would let go or me giving him a hug and 10 seconds later, I would look the other way with a complete blank stare on my face. One thing you should know about me, if I wanted to break up with someone already, I would’ve done it by the beginning of this story. I would’ve done it cold heartedly without caring for what the other person thinks or feels. But, this was different. In the words of Rachel Berry, “He was my person.”

After crying some what uncontrollably in the mall (luckily there weren’t many people around), I finally said what  we both needed to hear out loud, “We’re going to be okay, right? ” “Yes, we are.” We were like Hazel and Augustus from The Fault In Our Stars. “Okay” was our safe word. At the end, I listened to the 60%. 

We finally reached the top of the coaster, and dropped, holding each other’s hands. Excitement, thrill, adrenaline, and happiness were rushing through our veins as if that struggle to climb was nothing but a dream. We looked each other in the eye and smiled because we knew we were always going to be okay.  

Day #13: A Travel Destination That Is Your Guilty Pleasure

I’ve totally failed doing this challenge a billion times, but I still am determined to finish it. Today’s the only day I finally found enough time to sit down and type on my laptop. For the past weeks, it’s either I’ve been to busy prepping for work, family stuff, or too tired to function after working out. But, no matter, I’m back with Day #13. heehee

I knew exactly what place I wanted to write about for Day 13. I haven’t met anyone who shares the same fascination as I do, so if you do want to go to this place too, leave a comment below! LOL

For Day 12, I wrote how I don’t see the appeal in South Korea. Now, I’m going to publicly announce that my travel destination guilty pleasure is the other Korea. Yup, not the KPop filled, cute Korea, but rather, the isolated, mysterious, sometimes scary Korea. Whenever I tell someone I want to go to North Korea, they think I’m some crazy person. Maybe I might be. BUT, it’s the whole not-everyone-is-allowed-to-go-to-North-Korea is what makes me want to go.

I want to see how they live and how different their country is. I will admit that I’ve spent a couple of hours scrolling through instagram posts of various photographers who have been to North Korea. They’ve posted a lot of pictures of propagandas posted everywhere, children having fun, North Korean technology that is a pretty out dated, tons of soldiers & cherry blossoms.

Here are a few reasons why I want to go to North Korea:

1. I want to see what’s on North Korean TV. What do they broadcast?

2. I want to see the soldiers march, specifically, the women soldiers.

3. I want to see their fearless leader.

4. I really really want to see their old computers.

5. I want to know what they know about the world.

It’s the not knowing what’s there that has got me hooked for the past decade :D

PS. I couldn’t find nice pics to post hihi

North Korea for my travel destination guilty pleasure

Day #12: A Travel Destination You Don’t See The Appeal In

This took me .0002 seconds to think about. This place is totally famous with my fellow Filipinos because of the fashion, music, musicians, and even the language. But, for me, I totally am not attracted to anything related to this country at all, and also the country in general. I’m sorry! I know this country is beautiful, and all, but, if I were to arrange the countries according to the ones that I would want to visit and to the ones that I would least like to visit, this country is found towards the bottom of the list.

I’m talking about South Korea. Located near Japan, Russia and China,  it’s, I’m guessing, 4 hours away from the Philippines. It is a highly urbanized country, adding a whole new definition to fashion and music.

KPop, or Korean Pop, is very popular all over the world having PSY, Girl’s Generation and Big Bang spread it across oceans. There are people who are such dedicated fans that they even memorize the dance steps as well as the lyrics to their songs.

Korean Drama shows are famous also in various countries in Asia, and maybe in the West too, I don’t know. People have been falling head over heels over the protagonists of the Korean Dramas for ages. I’ve found a lot of people glued to their TVs when these shows are on.

The language, too, has interested a lot of people. Suddenly, people want to learn Korean! Anyong!

I’m sure their traditional culture is great and there are a lot of things to see there. The above mentioned are just a few things that help others experience South Korea. Maybe because I’m not a total fan of their music, TV shows, fashion, etc, that I’m not really 100% connected with the country. I’ve been seeing a lot of things related to South Korea for years now, and I feel like those just made the hype less exciting. (Am I making sense?) Which is weird, because if you see something different on TV or in a magazine, the usual thought is, “Hey, I think I’d want to experience that”, but not for me, nope. siigh*

tumblr_mmej7i61HG1qkyzm3o1_1280

iclickart_nature_wallpaper_122551a

sed2013

6615_1280x800

Here are just a few pictures from South Korea. They look so beautiful, and all, but I just don’t feel a connection. Unlike if I see something from India or Indonesia, I immediately think, “OOOOH, I wan’t to go there someday!!” But here, nada. : (

P.S. I am in no way meaning to offend anyone. This is just my own personal preference & opinion. I still think that South Korea is beautiful, but maybe, it just isn’t for me.

South Korea for the ‘travel destination I don’t see the appeal in’. 

Day #11: A Travel Destination That Reminds You Of Your Favorite Band or Music Video

I love the Pussycat Dolls, and I love this song. I’ve been listening to it lately almost everyday. I think it’s because recently I’ve been taking Belly Dance lessons again, and this song in particular gives off a belly-dance-sexy vibe.

Speaking of belly dancing, that’s what this music video reminds me off. I daydream about the belly dancers from the Middle East or in Egypt or Turkey. The music reminds me about the soft movements of the body, as well as the precise isolations that the dancers make. I’d totally love to go to those places one day (when it’s safe and what not) to learn the raw belly dance techniques from those who started it all.

belly-dance-art-1-11

 

Middle East for this day’s travel destination : )