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Stop Telling Me I’m Drunk

Stop telling me I’m drunk so you think you have an excuse to touch me. I don’t need you holding my hand while I get a glass of water. I don’t need you to help me sit back down. I don’t need you touching my shoulders to “help” me sit up straight. I especially don’t need you caressing my head while I dozed off. I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk so you have an excuse to say that I need you. Why is it so hard for you to believe something like this:
“I guess I’m just the type of girl who doesn’t need to depend on a guy”
because all you said was:
“haha yeah right. Whatever. You’re going to eat your words.”
No matter how many times I said “I’m okay. Really”, and no matter how many times you’ve seen me move about the room soberly (going to the restroom, getting a glass of water, changing the music playlist), you insist that I need your help, like I’m a 6 year old girl who can’t decide for herself. Why?
I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk so you have an excuse to follow me around to make sure “I’m okay”.
“Let me just stay right here beside you.”
“No, it’s okay. You can go back in. I just wan’t to look at the sky.”
“Haha. Don’t be stupid. Should I lie beside you now?”
I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk to come up with stories about you and I. I didn’t tell the room about whatever non-existent past we had. I was completely aware of what I was saying, no matter how slurred they may have seemed to you. I asked one of our friends if I’ve said anything. She said, “Uh, no.” Stop putting words in my mouth. I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk to blame me for “coming on to you”. I in no way “came on to you”. All I’ve said (not even remotely close to coming on is), “Come on and join the game!!!!!!” You said I kept touching you. HA. HAHAHAHA. The only touching I did was the same touching I did to everybody else – put my hands on all of your shoulders to either get your attention or to let you guys know I was passing behind you. I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk so that you have an excuse to criticize me about my body. “Oh wow, you have a lot of stretch marks.” “Your breasts look small.” “You do squats? HAHAHA….ok, sure.”
I don’t know if you’ve said those things hoping that I would forget them the next day. I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk to make my ‘NO’ sound meaningless. No, I do not want to kiss you. No, I do not want to date you. No, I do not need a hug.
“hahaha, ok. sure…..but, can I at least have a kiss?”
Didn’t you just ask me that, and didn’t I just say no?
I am not drunk.

Stop telling me I’m drunk to make whatever you wanted to happen justifiable.

me

No, Really. Go Live.

At 22, I feel like I have the whole world at my finger tips. My best friends and I keep planning trips all around the globe, and as far fetched as they may be, we have to make it happen. We have to see the Pyramids in Egypt, swim in the beaches of Bali, fall in love with the beats of Rio, eat pizza in Verona, listen to the song of the mountains in Austria, walk down Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem, run on the Great Wall of China waving to the sky hoping someone will see us, and scream as loud as the lions do in Africa.

Why?

I know a 60 year old man who has to be hooked to an oxygen tank 24/7 because his lung (singular) needs all the help it can get. Walking becomes a chore. Staying in bed all day becomes the norm. He has lost muscle mass because he can’t do any form of exercise and all his physical efforts go into him focusing on inhaling and exhaling. Don’t get me wrong. He can still walk around but maybe just for a few meters or so. More than that, he has to catch his breath.

Just like how any other story goes, one day, he saw a picture of Machu Picchu on facebook. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and I’m sure that you, whoever is reading this, has thought “I want to see that someday!” He thought the same thing but added, “That’s part of my bucket list of places to visit that I am never going to see”.

When I heard that, I couldn’t understand what I felt. Pity? Sadness? Regret for him? Maybe all at the same time? I don’t know. But, I knew what I thought at that moment. And it is what I am sharing with you all today.

An average person has about seventy or so years to live, eighty-plus if you’re lucky. Many of us think that “70 years? That’s more than enough time for me to do the things I want.” In reality, seventy years can honestly feel like 7 seconds. One minute you’re putting on your black shoes for the first day of elementary school, the next minute you’re putting on your black dress shoes for a job interview. The next thing you know, you’re 70 years old wishing you could go see all the places you once wrote down on your list of “Places to see by the time I’m 30″ or could do all the things you’ve postponed and said, “Nah, there’s always tomorrow”.

So, to answer the question at the beginning of this post, we have to make the trips happen for this reason: to not regret. I am slowly learning that once you say “no” to an opportunity, how sure are you it’ll come strolling down your path again? I remember one of my high school teachers telling us that Opportunity is this beautiful man with no clothes on (just go with me on this one), drenched in oil (no, really, it’ll make sense), and has a pony tail on his forehead (keep reading…). He appears to you all majestic looking, and you are then awestruck. He’s coming at you fast, and you have only one chance to grab his hair and go with him before it’s too late. If you missed that chance, that second, you’ll find yourself grasping for his arms, legs, but to no avail because you’ll just slip right off. Then, where does that leave you?

Those posts online that go “Life is too short, buy the shoes” make us go, “Ha, yeah right. If only I could, honey”. BUT YOU CAN. Maybe save up for it?

And it doesn’t even have to be about buying things. It could be finally jumping off of a cliff into the ocean, screaming at the top of your lungs when the roller coaster drops, seeing for the first time a wild penguin up close, or dancing in the streets late at night.

It doesn’t have to be an adrenaline rush thing either! Let’s say all your life you’ve always wanted to learn how to cook, paint, sing, or play an instrument. Guess what? YOU CAN. So what if it doesn’t taste good or your painting ends up looking like a 5 year old did it? Practice and keep searching for what you’re good at, and at least you’ll be able to say, “Haha, at least I’ve done it”.

But make sure you’re not hurting anybody or doing something illegal. Maybe don’t rob a store. Maybe… you shouldn’t curse that man for cutting you off. Opportunity isn’t waiting for you down that road.

Make your own sentence that fits you and your story. “Life is short,…” Don’t make the common mistake of waiting and then suddenly regretting. Just be smart, and really, go live.

Tell Me It Isn’t Just Me

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Image from Buzzfeed

I have risen from my grave to share with you all my current state of mind.

A little update about my life (,and I’m sorry that I feel like what you see most on my on-again-off-again blog are updates rather than something with more content):
– still studying languages in the University of the Philippines (which I would not like to brag as much, but more on that for another post)
– still dancing (yey!)
– I turned 22 eleven days ago hihi
– still no job (but I’m trying to work on that)

With that being said, notice the keyword «STILL». Although, I love what I’m doing (especially the dancing – There is no way that that’s ever going to end), I feel like I’m caught at a stand still. I feel like this happens to me at least once a year, and I just forget all the time and panic when one of these “mid-life crises” arise. Hah. I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve just been feeling a tad bit robotic. I get up, get ready for school, go to school, come home from school, watch shows, surf the net, sleep. (I know, I know, if I want something to change, I literally have to change something, but just hear me out.)

Another keyword, rather, key-number is «22». I keep thinking I only have 8 years left ’til I turn 30, and God knows what’ll happen to me in those 8 years. Yikes! I feel like if I started sooner, if there could be any “sooner”, I would’ve done more things…just things in general.

I believe that these feelings always come up when I have a big decision to make in front of me that I am not even 20% sure of making. The semester coming to a close, and I have yet to decide if I want to study for another semester or apply for a job at the Department of Tourism (which is my only plan A so far). I’m on the fence because although I still want to advance on my language skills, I feel like I can do it now on my own without having to enroll in a university (or now enroll in the language centers in the city), but I don’t know how that will work out time and money-wise. (ayudenme). I still have a lot of thinking to do, still have a lot of advice to get, and all that.

But please, tell me that I’m not alone in this. Tell me that “It’s OK, it’s normal”. Tell me it isn’t just me.

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18 Things We Can All Start Doing To Make Our Lives More Exciting

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. There’s that old saying, “Dance like nobody’s watching.” Forget that. Put on your headphones, crank that song that pumps you up, and dance/strut/own it
as if all those strangers you pass by forked up unbelievable amounts of money to come see you sell out a stadium.

2. Make a list of everything you fear the most: the worst-case scenarios, the phobias, and those things that keep you up at night when everyone else is sleeping. Look at them all written down. As you read each one back to yourself, realize the world didn’t stop turning. Your fears aren’t holding back the universe, only you.

3. You know that cute barista, or the acquaintance you run into at parties, or the person you’ve been secretly crushing on for ages? Swallow that fear of rejection and ask them out. They say no? Ouch, but you’ll be okay. They say…

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Manly Ballet… 5 misconceptions about male ballet dancers

Originally posted on A Ballet Education:

Male ballet dancers get the worst reputation… And there is a reason why…

Honestly, it comes down to tights and a dance belt and for some reason that equates to effeminate, which equates to gay. But, if you look at the spectrum of dance, ballet is probably the most manly when it comes to repertory, with the exception of Dresden SemperOpera’s version of bluebird… That one is just… well… flashy… (click here to watch the youtube video)

The roles for men in classical ballet are the following: prince, cavalier, slave, pirate, prince, cavalier, lover, prince… you get the gist. Because of these roles, the vocabulary is limited, say compared to a jazz dancer. Now, because the way the music was written, and male variations are these extremely heavy, weighted variations, the steps a male ballet dancer usually performs are… well limiting. While women are known for their pointe shoes and flexibility, male…

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17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

S.J.:

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll…

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“There’s a fork in the road. What now?”

…. is exactly the thing that I fear most right now. I literally have one foot on one road and one foot on another, and I hope there will never come a time where I have to choose which road to continue on and which one to leave behind.

One road I’m on is the decent one, the one that everyone is expected to take. I’m studying French and Spanish right now because I think that it will totally help with my career in the international relations field. I want to master both languages and maybe take a Masters degree in one (or two HAHAHA I know…) But, I definitely want to work for the Department of Tourism. Those are the main points in my career path. For the sub-points, I’ll just have to figure those out as I go along.

The other road is the road less traveled. Yup, dance. I’ve decided to be a bellydance apprentice under the tutelage of the best bellydance mentor in the country, Miss Jill Ngo. Also, I, along with a few of my friends, were offered a dance scholarship under our dancesport coach, Miss Belinda Adora. I am so grateful and excited for both these opportunities because they’ve both expressed great interest in investing in my talents and would want to continue in honing my skills. I totally cannot pass these up!

If I were to choose which one to keep without any consequences, I’d choose dance for sure. No hesitation. But, why not just continue on with that from the start, right? Don’t get me wrong, the career path I want to take is something that I’m passionate in as well. I’ve just had dance occupy my heart more.

But, here’s my thought process: I have it laid out in my head that if I have a career plan, and a solid one at that, meaning something I know that I can stick to, and show my parents that I can be mature and responsible in working hard and focusing on that road, then there is no way that they can say I can’t dance. If I can do both, and I know I can, I have to, then why not.

As I’ve mentioned in the start, the fear of maybe having to ultimately choose one at the end is a very daunting task. This is the time that I need to be strong and determined, more than I’ve ever been my whole life. If I lose my career path, I wouldn’t know what my parents would say and I wouldn’t also know how to feel that I let something important to me go. If I lose my dance path, that will be the total destruction of my entire being (lol over acting, I know, but it’s true).

I know people can’t have it all, but I’m determined to at least have these two together side by side until when the crows turn white.

I need to rant.

What really bothers me right now is how some people call themselves [professional] dancers when in fact they are in no way near being one technique wise, performance wise, and everything in between. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally game for people sharing the love and passion for dance, even if they don’t know how to. Just seeing those kinds of people understand how beautiful and happy the art of dance makes everyone never fails to bring me to tears. But, once you go out with the utmost confidence dancing as if you’re better than those seen on So You Think You Can Dance and claiming it too, then that is quite troubling for me.

I took my dancing seriously when I was 17 years old. 4 years later, I am still taking classes and pushing myself to cross train in other dance styles because I know that it will help me become a better dancer and I want to widen my dance vocabulary. I’d like to think that I’m a hard worker, and I know that I’ve had some shortcomings, but I try my best to push myself everyday to be the best that I can be. (Let me just clear things out that in no way am I saying that I’m better or above everyone else. I know that I have a long long long way to go. hihi)

So, to meet and see people who take legit dance classes not take those classes seriously nor respect the teacher is totally totally getting under my skin.

There are some who shared stories with me about how they’ve been performing for how 7 or 8 years already, and when we started taking our first dance class together, it was as if it was her first lesson ever. (Even the dance teacher points this out.) Others brag about the same thing and assure me that the dance class we’re in is a piece of cake, but end up looking at the best student in class the whole time. Others brag about being trained in countless numbers of dance, but when asked by our dance teacher to do the ChaCha or do a soutenu turn, they can’t do it properly and receive curse words as feedback instead.

There are others, on the other hand, who do not understand this: dance teacher > student. I’ve seen some disrespect dance teachers by always being on their cellphones while running a routine WITH LIMITED TIME. After running the routine once, they’d immediately go to their phones and check what’s new on their facebook news feeds (when you and I know that nothing significantly changes on facebook in the span of 2 minutes). Then when the teacher asks everyone to run it again, they’d take their precious time walking at the glacial pace to their first blocking. I’ve seen some not respect the creative license of some teachers because (1) the choreography is difficult, and (2) they do not feel pretty enough while doing a certain step. (For real.)

I’ve seen this type the most: those who complain incessantly throughtout the whole rehearsal session because (1) they were yelled at, (2) their feet ache, or (3) the steps are difficult to master and end up sitting on the sides more than actually doing the steps. But when they get to log into their facebook accounts, they post “Great rehearsal day today! Worked so hard!” Really? Like…no.

One more thing! In dance classes, you try your best to avoid hurting your classmates. But when you do ACCIDENTALLY hit them IN THE LEAST AMOUNT OF PRESSURE POSSIBLE (I’m talking brushed by a pinky kind of pressure or hit my the back of your hand in like a tap kind of pressure) and they end up disrupting the whole class with their whaling and start complaining and sit throughout the whole rehearsal, then I can’t take it anymore. HAHA That is my ultimate pet peeve. I’m talking more over acting than a fake foul in basketball or football or whatever.

But going back to my point, it just bothers me how these people call themselves dancers when in the first place, they don’t respect the art form. They just don’t.  Everyone can dance, but it take so much more to become a dancer. I feel like I’m being insulted, and so are my dance teachers, my dance friends, and everyone else who I know have worked so hard to be pros at what the do, because if they can call themselves dancers without putting in the hours, blisters, and muscle pain, then why can’t I just do that too right? If they can just attend a dance class without actually dancing in one and then say that they’re at an intermediate level in jazz or ballet, then why can’t I just do that too? I’d rather have you come to a dance class without any background at all, respect the teacher, the art, the rehearsal time, and take everything you learned to make yourself better and vow to improve yourself the next time around, instead of coming to class taking all your ego with you, not work hard for it, return to class the same way you attend your first one 7 or 8 years ago, and just still call yourself a dancer. I just really can’t.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way? Any dancers out there? Athletes? Artists? Pros in their certain field who feel the same?

SIGH. ok, rant over.

23 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Sascha KohlmannSascha Kohlmann

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able…

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Human Error

The inability to realize
that no matter what our
religion or gender or race
or geographic background,
we all have about 98 percent
in common with each other.
Yes, the differences between
male and female are biological,
but if you look at the biology
as a matter of percentage,
there aren’t a whole lot of
things that are different.
Race is different purely as a
social construction, not as
an inherent difference. And
religion – whether you believe
in God or Yahweh or Allah or
something else, odds are that
at heart you want the same
things. For whatever reason,
we like to focus on the
2 percent that’s different,
and most of the conflict
in the world comes from that.

– pg 77, Every Day by David Levithan