Tell Me It Isn’t Just Me

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photo from Buzzfeed Comics

I have risen from my grave to share with you all my current state of mind.

A little update about my life (,and I’m sorry that I feel like what you see most on my on-again-off-again blog are updates rather than something with more content):
– still studying languages in the University of the Philippines (which I would not like to brag as much, but more on that for another post)
– still dancing (yey!)
– I turned 22 eleven days ago hihi
– still no job (but I’m trying to work on that)

With that being said, notice the keyword «STILL». Although, I love what I’m doing (especially the dancing – There is no way that that’s ever going to end), I feel like I’m caught at a stand still. I feel like this happens to me at least once a year, and I just forget all the time and panic when one of these “mid-life crises” arise. Hah. I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve just been feeling a tad bit robotic. I get up, get ready for school, go to school, come home from school, watch shows, surf the net, sleep. (I know, I know, if I want something to change, I literally have to change something, but just hear me out.)

Another keyword, rather, key-number is «22». I keep thinking I only have 8 years left ’til I turn 30, and God knows what’ll happen to me in those 8 years. Yikes! I feel like if I started sooner, if there could be any “sooner”, I would’ve done more things…just things in general.

I believe that these feelings always come up when I have a big decision to make in front of me that I am not even 20% sure of making. The semester coming to a close, and I have yet to decide if I want to study for another semester or apply for a job at the Department of Tourism (which is my only plan A so far). I’m on the fence because although I still want to advance on my language skills, I feel like I can do it now on my own without having to enroll in a university (or now enroll in the language centers in the city), but I don’t know how that will work out time and money-wise. (ayudenme). I still have a lot of thinking to do, still have a lot of advice to get, and all that.

But please, tell me that I’m not alone in this. Tell me that “It’s OK, it’s normal”. Tell me it isn’t just me.

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18 Things We Can All Start Doing To Make Our Lives More Exciting

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. There’s that old saying, “Dance like nobody’s watching.” Forget that. Put on your headphones, crank that song that pumps you up, and dance/strut/own it
as if all those strangers you pass by forked up unbelievable amounts of money to come see you sell out a stadium.

2. Make a list of everything you fear the most: the worst-case scenarios, the phobias, and those things that keep you up at night when everyone else is sleeping. Look at them all written down. As you read each one back to yourself, realize the world didn’t stop turning. Your fears aren’t holding back the universe, only you.

3. You know that cute barista, or the acquaintance you run into at parties, or the person you’ve been secretly crushing on for ages? Swallow that fear of rejection and ask them out. They say no? Ouch, but you’ll be okay. They say…

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Manly Ballet… 5 misconceptions about male ballet dancers

Originally posted on A Ballet Education:

Male ballet dancers get the worst reputation… And there is a reason why…

Honestly, it comes down to tights and a dance belt and for some reason that equates to effeminate, which equates to gay. But, if you look at the spectrum of dance, ballet is probably the most manly when it comes to repertory, with the exception of Dresden SemperOpera’s version of bluebird… That one is just… well… flashy… (click here to watch the youtube video)

The roles for men in classical ballet are the following: prince, cavalier, slave, pirate, prince, cavalier, lover, prince… you get the gist. Because of these roles, the vocabulary is limited, say compared to a jazz dancer. Now, because the way the music was written, and male variations are these extremely heavy, weighted variations, the steps a male ballet dancer usually performs are… well limiting. While women are known for their pointe shoes and flexibility, male…

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17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

hamsamiam:

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll…

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“There’s a fork in the road. What now?”

…. is exactly the thing that I fear most right now. I literally have one foot on one road and one foot on another, and I hope there will never come a time where I have to choose which road to continue on and which one to leave behind.

One road I’m on is the decent one, the one that everyone is expected to take. I’m studying French and Spanish right now because I think that it will totally help with my career in the international relations field. I want to master both languages and maybe take a Masters degree in one (or two HAHAHA I know…) But, I definitely want to work for the Department of Tourism. Those are the main points in my career path. For the sub-points, I’ll just have to figure those out as I go along.

The other road is the road less traveled. Yup, dance. I’ve decided to be a bellydance apprentice under the tutelage of the best bellydance mentor in the country, Miss Jill Ngo. Also, I, along with a few of my friends, were offered a dance scholarship under our dancesport coach, Miss Belinda Adora. I am so grateful and excited for both these opportunities because they’ve both expressed great interest in investing in my talents and would want to continue in honing my skills. I totally cannot pass these up!

If I were to choose which one to keep without any consequences, I’d choose dance for sure. No hesitation. But, why not just continue on with that from the start, right? Don’t get me wrong, the career path I want to take is something that I’m passionate in as well. I’ve just had dance occupy my heart more.

But, here’s my thought process: I have it laid out in my head that if I have a career plan, and a solid one at that, meaning something I know that I can stick to, and show my parents that I can be mature and responsible in working hard and focusing on that road, then there is no way that they can say I can’t dance. If I can do both, and I know I can, I have to, then why not.

As I’ve mentioned in the start, the fear of maybe having to ultimately choose one at the end is a very daunting task. This is the time that I need to be strong and determined, more than I’ve ever been my whole life. If I lose my career path, I wouldn’t know what my parents would say and I wouldn’t also know how to feel that I let something important to me go. If I lose my dance path, that will be the total destruction of my entire being (lol over acting, I know, but it’s true).

I know people can’t have it all, but I’m determined to at least have these two together side by side until when the crows turn white.

I need to rant.

What really bothers me right now is how some people call themselves [professional] dancers when in fact they are in no way near being one technique wise, performance wise, and everything in between. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally game for people sharing the love and passion for dance, even if they don’t know how to. Just seeing those kinds of people understand how beautiful and happy the art of dance makes everyone never fails to bring me to tears. But, once you go out with the utmost confidence dancing as if you’re better than those seen on So You Think You Can Dance and claiming it too, then that is quite troubling for me.

I took my dancing seriously when I was 17 years old. 4 years later, I am still taking classes and pushing myself to cross train in other dance styles because I know that it will help me become a better dancer and I want to widen my dance vocabulary. I’d like to think that I’m a hard worker, and I know that I’ve had some shortcomings, but I try my best to push myself everyday to be the best that I can be. (Let me just clear things out that in no way am I saying that I’m better or above everyone else. I know that I have a long long long way to go. hihi)

So, to meet and see people who take legit dance classes not take those classes seriously nor respect the teacher is totally totally getting under my skin.

There are some who shared stories with me about how they’ve been performing for how 7 or 8 years already, and when we started taking our first dance class together, it was as if it was her first lesson ever. (Even the dance teacher points this out.) Others brag about the same thing and assure me that the dance class we’re in is a piece of cake, but end up looking at the best student in class the whole time. Others brag about being trained in countless numbers of dance, but when asked by our dance teacher to do the ChaCha or do a soutenu turn, they can’t do it properly and receive curse words as feedback instead.

There are others, on the other hand, who do not understand this: dance teacher > student. I’ve seen some disrespect dance teachers by always being on their cellphones while running a routine WITH LIMITED TIME. After running the routine once, they’d immediately go to their phones and check what’s new on their facebook news feeds (when you and I know that nothing significantly changes on facebook in the span of 2 minutes). Then when the teacher asks everyone to run it again, they’d take their precious time walking at the glacial pace to their first blocking. I’ve seen some not respect the creative license of some teachers because (1) the choreography is difficult, and (2) they do not feel pretty enough while doing a certain step. (For real.)

I’ve seen this type the most: those who complain incessantly throughtout the whole rehearsal session because (1) they were yelled at, (2) their feet ache, or (3) the steps are difficult to master and end up sitting on the sides more than actually doing the steps. But when they get to log into their facebook accounts, they post “Great rehearsal day today! Worked so hard!” Really? Like…no.

One more thing! In dance classes, you try your best to avoid hurting your classmates. But when you do ACCIDENTALLY hit them IN THE LEAST AMOUNT OF PRESSURE POSSIBLE (I’m talking brushed by a pinky kind of pressure or hit my the back of your hand in like a tap kind of pressure) and they end up disrupting the whole class with their whaling and start complaining and sit throughout the whole rehearsal, then I can’t take it anymore. HAHA That is my ultimate pet peeve. I’m talking more over acting than a fake foul in basketball or football or whatever.

But going back to my point, it just bothers me how these people call themselves dancers when in the first place, they don’t respect the art form. They just don’t.  Everyone can dance, but it take so much more to become a dancer. I feel like I’m being insulted, and so are my dance teachers, my dance friends, and everyone else who I know have worked so hard to be pros at what the do, because if they can call themselves dancers without putting in the hours, blisters, and muscle pain, then why can’t I just do that too right? If they can just attend a dance class without actually dancing in one and then say that they’re at an intermediate level in jazz or ballet, then why can’t I just do that too? I’d rather have you come to a dance class without any background at all, respect the teacher, the art, the rehearsal time, and take everything you learned to make yourself better and vow to improve yourself the next time around, instead of coming to class taking all your ego with you, not work hard for it, return to class the same way you attend your first one 7 or 8 years ago, and just still call yourself a dancer. I just really can’t.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way? Any dancers out there? Athletes? Artists? Pros in their certain field who feel the same?

SIGH. ok, rant over.

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23 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Sascha KohlmannSascha Kohlmann

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able…

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