5 Signs That Tell You You’re Grown Up

  1. You can pay for stuff now on your own. Gone are the days when you have to ask your parents for money if you something eye catching in the mall. You no longer have to walk into a store with your mom or dad right behind you. You no longer have to ask permission if you can buy the same bag in a different color or 5 pairs of bikinis or a dress that you most probably will never wear because you get to buy whatever you want now. There’s something fulfilling when you reach this stage in life. It’s even more fulfilling if you get to buy your mom the Hermes bag she always wanted but never could buy it because she’s paying for your and sibling’s tuition. (Someday, Ma!)
  2. Grandparent Mode ON. When you were in high school, you’d sleep at 4am and wake up at 7am, and you’d still have all the energy in the world. When you were in college, you were the life of the party. You’d hop from one club to the next and still make it in time for your exam 5 hours later. Now, you can’t even  stay up to watch the Late Show with David Letterman (or maybe you can. Good for you.) You think that 10pm is too late and you have to get up at 8am just because.
  3. Your problems evolved. Remember when your problems revolved about not submitting a paper on time or not being able to find something to wear to your friends birthday party? Those were the days, huh? Speaking as a newly grad, my problems evolved into not being able to find a decent job, not being able to know what to do with my life from now on. Yeeaaah this part of growing up isn’t too fun.
  4. You start putting up a mini gym in your house. You’d look at old pictures of you and ask yourself “What the hell happened?!” You start doing anything you can to get your old swim team body back. You start wishing that you should’ve done it sooner.
  5. You start thinking about moving in. If you’re in a long-ish relationship, the next thing to do so that you guys don’t miss each other every second of the day is to finally decide to live together. You start scouting the possible places where you two could buy a condo and start thinking about how you two would live together. “If only it were normal to move out after grad and, we could live together.” If only it were, Love.

20 Things I’ve Done Before I Turn 20

I’m turning 20 in about a month, and I thought that I would do this just for kicks. It’s a less-pressure version of the “Things I will do before I die” thing because this time, rather than hoping to do a ton of crazy things, I will enjoy reflecting on the number of fun and crazy things I’ve already done.

1. I traveled alone for the first time to London. I applied for an internship at the Philippine Department of Tourism in London 2 years ago, and I got the job. I shared the experience with one of my closest friends, Trisha!

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2. I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. That was the dream, and I’m glad I got to go with my friends!

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3. I fell in love with SFO and NY.

4. I got to be on two places at once. We were on a bridge between Strasbourg, France and Kehl, Germany. We just looked for the center of the bridge and did the whole A Walk to Remember thing.

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5. I, along with a number of my friends, decided to go to Tagaytay, an area outside Manila, at 3am while we were all tipsy because we wanted some Bulalo. However, when my friends were eating, I wanted to stay in the car and sleep. I had a dance competition that same day, and I needed all the energy I could get. I woke up, though, just in time to see the sunrise!

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6. I won a search-for-the-Girl’s Scout-‘muse’ (i cannot think of a better term) thing when I was in the 4th grade. HAHA.

7. I became president of an organization at my school. Mixing work with dance – best combination ever.

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8. I got to meet the 15th President of the Philippines, Benigno Aquino III.

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9. I helped fellow Filipinos who were harshly affected by The Habagat and Ondoy, two natural disasters that damaged our country greatly.

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10. I went bowling for the first time ever in my life.

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11. I rode on a camel.

12. When I was in high school, I only studied 2 hours before a speech exam, and got the highest score in class. (More YOLO moments like that in college. ;] )

13. I joined my first ever Dance Sport Competition : )

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14. I learned how to speak French and Spanish.

15. I attended a Maroon 5 Concert!!

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16. I went to the Harry Potter Studio in Leavesden Studio. I went there by myself, and fan girled like there was no tomorrow.

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17. I taught myself how to play the guitar.

18. I studied in one of the best universities in the country, the Ateneo de Manila University and finally, after four years of mixture of YOLO-ing and serious moments, I got my degree.

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19. I trained in ballet, hip-hop, hula dancing, belly dancing, and latin ballroom.

20. Rode on a roller coaster. This is a legit accomplishment for me because I am afraid of heights.

I lived for 2 decades already! That’s a loooooong time. I cannot wait for whatever life has to throw at me. I cannot wait to go on more adventures and collect more memories. All I can say is, “Come at me, bro”.

xoxo
Samantha Jean

Write the greatest adventure ever told, Miss

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Memories of you:

C – Crushes. Never have I met anyone in life who has a happy crush in almost every aspect in her life, whether he be a classmate, a guy  in a coffee shop, a guy at a party, a guy  in the library, wherever or whoever he may be, he’d have that special, little place in your heart. HAHA. I do hope that you’ll find the guy. I cannot wait when you do! I cannot wait to see you holding hands with someone, going on dates with someone, and most especially hearing  all the stories about him! weeeeeee haha

H – Hangovers. We’ve never gotten drunk together, but I just needed something to relate the “Party Phase” that we had. I will never forget how I could always count on you to be game for any party. haha. I will never forget how you would always attract a lot of people with your moves ; )  and I will never forget how even after a long, tiring night of fist pumping and screaming at each other’s ears so that we could speak to each other, you’d still want to party some more.

A – Aspirations. I admire how you have all these plans and goals in your head that you tell us you will accomplish, which you almost always do! haha. I cannot wait to read on your blog about the crazy things you’ll do next!

You’re leaving us tomorrow, and like I said, I still hate you for it. haha. But, I knew we wouldn’t always be near each other physically!!! However, you did tell me that you’re just a skype/fb message away. That’s comforting to know.

Padalan kaya kita ng care package every month. HAHAHA. Teka ha, magiipon muna ako ng pera! Chaaa! Mag ingat ka. Wag mo akong kakalimutan huhu. chos. Imposible kaya yun! HAHA. Basta, tawagan mo ako kung may accent ka na para mag-gaguhan tayo. Sana magiging masaya ka doon sa US. Makakasama mo na family mo, yeeeeey! I’m so happy for you : )

Thank you for always listening to whatever I have to say. Thank you for cheering me up with your side comments and your ‘Cha Face’! haha Thank you for being so honest and understanding. Thank you for sometimes eating the same portions of food that I eat so that I don’t feel like such a pig. haha. 

I’m going to miss you terribly!! But, if we were destined to meet each other once, we’re destined to meet again. I believe that. : ) So, write the greatest adventure ever told in your journals and on your blog. Keep us updated! I want to know and feel like you’re not on the other side of the world. And like what I always say, we will never say goodbye to each other, we will only say, ‘I’ll see you soon, then?’

So, I’ll see you soon, Cha. Have fun in Europe, but not too much fun. Don’t do anything Mima wouldn’t do. haha. I love you : )

(Belated) Happy Birthday to you, Sweetie :)

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To the sweetest person I know, Belated Happy Birthday!

First of all, thank you for all the memories that we’ve created these past four years. I’ll forever remember our Sci10 days with Zeh. I’ll never forget how much we hated that class and that we would have to walk unwillingly to Sec A and wait impatiently for the hour to pass. I will never forget how much the sophomores annoyed us! haha. I’ll also never forget how we became closer after our Study Tour adventure. I think we were practically always together. I will never forget our couple picture that we took at Place de la Republique where you carried me on your back. haha.

We’ve come a looooong way, bud! During our freshman year, we were never really close, but I’m glad we eventually did become inseparable  I wouldn’t know how I would survive college without you! Thank you for always being there for me whenever I had problems with school, org work or family life. Actually, I almost always go to you first before anyone else.

I’m so grateful that I got to experience first hand your generosity and love. Aside from that, you’re such a huge inspiration to me. I admire your determination, and I try to aspire that I could be that determined too! I’m so proud of you and what you have accomplished. I’m sure that you’re going to be a huge success in the future! As I’ve said, you’re the sweetest person I know! I admire how much you care about the block and how you try in the simplest ways to cheer us all up!

Thank you for the four years of friendship, Soph! I’m looking forward to more years with you and the girls. I wish you all the happiness and that your life be forever filled with rainbows and big dreams. I love you forever and a day, Soph! 🙂

 

17 Reasons why Larrisa Ann is Amazing

1. She’s a dreamer. Now I know a lot of people are dreamers, but Larrisa’s different. She comes up with ideas and dreams one after the other. If she isn’t able to reach one, she doesn’t give up. She finds a way around it. Nothing can pull her down. She lives her life well.
2. She laughs at the simplest things. and I mean the SIMPLEST things. “Easy, Breezy, Beautiful…Hover Squirrel” Yup, that makes her laugh.
3. She’s an only child. Some only child people are stereotyped as snobby, spoiled and introverted. This girl is the total opposite. I think the fact that she’s an only child made her more sociable and loud. She doesn’t brag about the stuff she owns.
4. She loves  dogs and doesn’t like cats. High five!
5. She’s a basketball freak! She knows all the terms, rules, fouls, players’ names, coaches’ names, team names, team colors, EVERYTHING. She can be a coach or something. She can’t play to save her life though.
6. She eats anything and everything in her path and still manages to keep a fiiiiine figure. People hate her for that, myself included.
7. She’s a student at the School of Fashion and Arts here in the Philippines. She has that hipster creative thing going on. (HAHA. I don’t know what I just said.)
8. She drinks like that one uncle we all have who gets drunk during family reunions. But, the main difference is, she’s fabulous and your uncle isn’t.
9. She knows how to actually use an SLR. She knows what aperture, ISO, and shutter speed mean. She’s not some random rich kid who bought an overpriced camera just for kicks. She knows how to use the damn thing!
10. She likes horror movies. Yup, that’s right… She’s no wuss like you.
11. She’s doesn’t let the haters get to her. She just finds a way to make them feel that their lives are more pathetic than ever.
12. She’s a California girl. Play Katy Perry’s song now.
13. She’s 5 foot tall, and yet, she fights like a bouncer in a club. If you’re her friend, she’s got your back.
14. She has an inner gangsta thing going on. She knows all the rap singers, rap songs, ghetto language and the like.
15. She loves to read. Everyone loves a girl who reads.
16. Although she’s a girly girl now, she can get down and dirty too!
17. You can have a conversation with her that’ll last for hours!! You can talk about anything under the sun, literally. There’s never a dull moment with this one.

This is for you, homie. Belated happy happy birthday! I hope that your life will forever be filled with color and adventure. Thank you for always listening to what I have to say, for always cheering me, for feeding me, for understanding my laziness…thank you literally for everything. I’m so glad I got to know you and got to be close to you, even though up until to this day, we don’t know how that happened. HAHA. I miss you! I can’t wait to see you next week! I love you to the moon and back!

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Officially Unemployed!

I did it, you guys! I graduated! I am officially done with college 🙂 Bad news is, I am now officially unemployed, and I still don’t know what to do from now on. But maybe a separate post on that when it’ll really sink in. HA.

I graduated twice, one graduation ceremony for my minors and one ceremony for my major.

March 21st – Minors Graduation
I minored in French and Hispanic Studies. I wasn’t even sure why I chose these languages.  I dove into class not knowing anything, and now, I’d like to humbly say I can at least keep up in a basic, slow-ish, conversation. I sometimes even can understand lyrics or films. NOTE: sometimes. I think I know my stuff. HAHA. I just panic when I have to speak to legit french and spanish speaking people. I’ve only been studying the languages for two years! Give me a break!

I’d like to continue studying, though. I might just enroll myself into the French and Spanish institutions we have here in the Manila (after I study and master whatever I learned Uni! hihi)

And now, pictures for you lovely people! 🙂

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This is me receiving my certificate for completing my minor in Hispanic Studies with my professor, the dean of the School of Humanities and a man from the Spanish Embassy (I forgot his name!)

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Here’s a picture of me receiving my certificate for completing my minor for French Studies. 

IMG_3751Con una de mis profesores favoritos, Luisa Young. Elle étais mon professeur en français 1, français 4, espagnol 2, 3, et 4. Gracias, Señorita! 

IMG_3753Con mi profesora en Español 1, Señora Heide Aquino. Gracias, Señora!

IMG_3757Avec notre professeur en français deux, JC Uy. Merci! 

IMG_3759Avec notre professeur en français 5, Mme. Soriano. She was one of the most difficult professors I’ve had, not because the course was hard but because she was hard to deal with. I’m glad to say I survived your class, Mme!

IMG_3761With Mommy Bau! She was never my teacher but she chaperoned us, along with one more professor, when we went on a Study Tour to France 🙂

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These are our ever supportive blockmates and friend. (Seated farthest from the left, Sam, Standing: Mima, Ynna and Aiko.  They’re not yet graduating because Sam’s course is a 5th year one and the ladies standing studied abroad so they got delayed a semester and decided to apply for more minors so they will never leave Ateneo, ever. WHYY haha)

They cheered like basketball fans whenever a member of my block got called in front. Thank you so much for that, you guys! I’ve never felt so loved and supported ever in my life. :’) I’ve just the best friends anyone could ever ask for. 

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LtoR: Diana, Aiko, Zeh, Mima, Me, and Cha

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with my mom and dad 🙂 I hope I made you proud, parents! (even if I YOLOed the past 4 years. lol)

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With the people who I share this experience with. See you in Europe, guys! 😉 

March 22nd – Official day of Ateneo kicking us out of school. “LOL, Bye, Bitches”

I didn’t want that day to come. I didn’t want to graduate, but I don’t want to go back to school either. HAHA. It’s been 5 days already and I totally miss everyone.

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With my family 🙂 I did it, you guys!

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Being the girls that we are, we wanted to remove our togas to show off our dresses..

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and here they are! 😀

IMG_3864With our department secretary, Ms. Kai Lopez. She’s so kind and sweet. I’m going to miss her so much!

IMG_3877Block G1 represent!

IMG_3891With my Professor in various classes, Sir BJ Enverga. We have a running joke in the European Studies Program. He teaches so many EU classes that it’s impossible for you to not have a ‘minor’ under him. I’m still waiting for my certificate! 

IMG_3926We did it! 🙂 Thank you for making college more bearable.

IMG_3922Congratulations to us, babies! 

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I still say we are THE DREAM TEAM.

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No matter what, we’ll be there for each other, forever… 

IMG_3934Thank you for past 4 years. Looking forward to the 80+years ahead with all of you.
Just like John and Savannah, we will never say Goodbye. We will only say, ‘I’ll see you soon, then?’

Thank you, Ateneo for the most interesting four years of my life.

Thank you, G1. Each of you taught me different things, and I’m glad that I became a better, stronger, more independent person because of you guys. I will never forget the fights, the laughs, the tears, etc…that we all shared. I know that I can go to any of you and ask for help or share whatever story I have. I’m totally going to miss each and every one of you. I love you.

Thank you, ADSC. Thank you for trusting me to lead the club (even if I didn’t believe in myself). Thank you for being patient with me and adjusting to how I handle things. I am so proud of each and everyone of your for doing your best. I hope that you guys will keep on dancing, and I can’t wait to visit you guys soon!

Thank you, Marco. You’ve made my last year in the Ateneo special. I’m glad that we both took the same Spanish class. I’m glad I got to slap you in our Spanish play. HAHA. I’m glad that despite me turning you down the first try, you didn’t give up. Thank you for the past year. Looking forward to finally fulfilling our adventures.

Thank you to my professors. Thank you for pushing me to work harder. Thank you for caring for me if I didn’t submit a requirement that was at par with the previous ones that I submitted. Thank you for teaching me to always think for myself and to always think for others.

Thank you to my parents and siblings for the continuous love and support. I’ve told my parents a billion times that I wanted to quit Ateneo and just go back to my hometown. Thank you, mom and dad, for talking me out of it. I don’t want to promise anything. I wish for you guys to understand that I want to do something that’ll make me happy…(and be with someone who makes me happy.) I just wish that I’ve made you guys proud.

Lastly, thank you to Him. Thank you for continually guiding me and being there for me during the times I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve hung on to you countless of times. Thank you for allowing me to do that.

AB European Studies
Minor in French Studies
Minor in Hispanic Studies

I’m done with college. Time to sleep.

Xoxo
Samantha Jean

What makes me feel infinite

This post is dedicated to my friends and every moment I spend with them. I haven’t had time to blog since last week because I’ve just been so busy! Allow me to walk you through what happened for the first part of last week! 🙂

March 18
We had our practice for graduation. I was really looking forward to it because I was going to see my friends again 🙂 It was just to early though! I wasn’t used to waking up at 6 in the morning. HAHA (excuse me for being a couch potato) We ended at around 11am with our tummies grumbling and sweat dripping down our faces. After the grad practice, I had lunch with my blockmates at Kenny Roger’s. I was so hungry, I ate a lot again compared to my friends! Oops! After that, I brought Mima and her brother, Johann, to the University of the Philippines because Johann had to audition for the UP College of Music. I dropped them off first and had to submit some UP Law stuff for my brother (In case you didn’t know, he passed Law School! :D). After that, I went back to where Mima and Johann were. The strings section were auditioning that time. Johann was going to play the classical guitar, and it was so nice listening to the people play. It was like a lullaby; I didn’t want to leave. HAHA. Eventually, I had to because I had to get ready for my dance teacher’s birthday celebration at the dance studio. It was a really fine way to cap off the night. I was dancing for the heck of it, without having to worry about people watching or stress at school or at home. I was just dancing for fun. Here are some pictures documenting my day! 🙂

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Taken during our graduation practice! The stage looked so pretty during the grad day itself! 🙂 

IMG_6096Taken at the dance studio with the people who helped me survive my term as president for the ADSC. Thank you so much!! I will miss you guys! I will try to visit as often as I can 🙂 

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With the new ADSC boys. Thank you for your enthusiasm. I hope that you guys won’t quit! When I visit, I hope you guys will be dancing circles around me! HAHA 

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Here’s a picture of Dance Instructors dancing to KPop Music…

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….and here are a few ADSC members trying to copy them. HAHA

March 19
SLEEPOVER WITH G1! That was what happend last Tuesday. HAHA We agreed that we would meet at 11am, but most of the people arrived at 6pm. (Boo, you whores! haha) Nevertheless, it was fun and all we did was laugh, eat, quote Pitch Perfect, cry (A LITTLE!!!), and just talk. Oh, and it was Gruta’s first sleepover ever IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. I’m so glad that she was able to finally sleepover! Here are pictures from the awesome night!

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Because we arrived a little passed 11am (as what was agreed upon! haha), my blockmates had time to finish up their dedications for the rest of the block. 

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We watched Pitch Perfect because no sleepover now would be complete without it. We watched it while waiting for other people to arrive. 

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After the movie, the girls and I got hungry and decided to walk to one of the restaurants nearby. It took us longer than expected because some of them had to scream and run around whenever they saw a cockroach. HAHA. 

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After dinner, we walked back home and surprised 3 of our blockmates with cupcakes! 🙂 They graduated with honors and we are all so proud of them! (LtoR: Karen, our Magna Cum Laude and Program Awardee, Lanz (not in picture so we had to use his grad pic instead), honorable mention, and Mikee, honorable mention) 

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We then went into more serious things when we started to talk about life, family, friends, school, and love. 

Thank you for the past four years, girls + Lanz. No goodbyes, only, “See you soon!”

March 20
SENIOR SEND-OFF! My Uni has this tradition to send off the graduating seniors. They call in the Blue Roast (Roast because they had to roast a calf or two to feed us! lol) It was one of the best nights of my life, I swear! I spent it with the people that I love, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I felt that our sisterhood and friendship with other people become stronger and I know that it’ll last a lifetime. We ate, laughed, cried (this time, A LOT!!!), sang, and just enjoyed the night. We were given blue roses to give to whoever meant to most to us, the person who was a true friend, the person who became more than a friend…the list is endless Again, here are some pictures!

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To the person I gave my Blue Rose to, thank you for the past year 🙂 Also, thank you for slow dancing with me. That my first time to slow dance EVER, and I’m glad that I shared the experience with you!

IMG_6158With one of the best girl friends you could ask for. Thank you for the crazy, spontaneous nights. I love you so much, Ms. Ganda! Keep in touch, okay? 

IMG_61612009, we only had 3 guys in the block. Two guys left the next year and the one who stayed turned out to be gay. 3 years later, we welcomed our arms to the best guys you will ever meet. They are protective, funny and are under our control. (semi chos) HAHA 

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I gave another rose to this cutie! He came out of the closet during our sophomore year. I still remember the night when he messaged first 7 people from the block. I was lost for words, and I wasn’t able to sleep. Nonetheless, we accepted him whole heartedly. I gave my rose to Lanz because he is our dakilang boyfriend. haha He was all our boyfriend before some of us found real ones. HAHA. He cared for each of us and always wanted the best for us. Thank you, Lanz. I love you so much! 

IMG_6163To the crazy, weird, sabaw moments we shared….

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… to opening ourselves up to love and to sharing every kilig moment …

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… to finally having the courage to admit to the people that we love …

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… to finally closing old wounds …

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… and to celebrating friendship (friendship nga lang ba? :> haha)..Never have I felt that alive. I only do when I’m with you guys! I hope to see you guys in the big leagues. I wish that you will choose your happiness first. I don’t want you guys living miserable lives! hihi I’m so excited to see what life has in store for us. I can’t wait until our paths will cross again. I love each and everyone of you…to infinity and beyond!


As I have said, this post is dedicated to them: ADSC, G1, and FoG1s. Thank you for making my stay in the Ateneo more bearable. I cannot wait to see you guys again. I miss you guys already!!!

See you soon! 😉

xoxo
Samantha Jean 

P.S. Pics and whatever about graduation on a different post! hihi

I don’t really want Friday to come

On Friday, March 22, 2013, I will be graduating from Uni. I’ve waited for that day ever since I started my Freshman Year. Finally, I get my reward for the four years I’ve walked willingly and sometimes unwillingly from class to class, for a billion sleepless nights, for all the studying and not studying, for all the rants about lazy professors and boring ones, for all the eureka moments, and for all the emotions I’ve released on campus.

Although I want the academic part of my life to be over, I really don’t want Friday to come. After Friday, God knows when I’ll be seeing my blockmates, my boyfriend, my undergrad friends, my dance sport club babies, and FoG1s again.

This is what I hate about graduating. You’ll have to start all over again, in my case when I enter the next stage of life: FINDING A JOB. If I do find a job immediately, I’ll will not know anyone at first, I will have to introduce who I am again, make a new routine, and wait until everything is familiar already. If I don’t find a job, I might as well be occupied looking even harder and thinking about what and how my friends are doing, when will I see them again, are they in the same plight as I am, etc. etc.

I know that we will still communicate with each other, I’m sure of it. It’s just going to be different, after four years of seeing the same faces every day and night, by Friday, I will barely see them again. And that’s what scares me the most. 

Maybe we should have monthly reunions or something. I really cannot say goodbye to my blockmates. I consider them my sisters. Four years of friendship may seem short to some, but we have sealed it to last forever.

My boyfriend’s going back to Seattle on the 31st. He said that he’ll stay there for a month and a half and come back here in the Philippines. That’s waaaaaay better than the whole it-might-take-years-before-we-see-each-other idea that we both had a couple months ago. It’s great and everything that he’s coming back and all here in Manila. The problem I think is on my side. LOL. My hometown is a city outside of Manila. I do not know when I will go back to Manila. We’ll figure it out, love! 🙂

As to my undergrad friends, I will visit as often as I can! I want to hear stories from you guys – your own encounters now with lower batches. I cannot wait!

It just sucks that I won’t be seeing them on a daily basis. Time to make an effort to make sure that I almost always will.

Til the next entry,
xoxo
Samantha Jean

LAST CANCER UPDATE

I wrote Cancer Update 3.0 5 days ago (March 12, 2013). I told you guys that we couldn’t do anything anymore and that we just had to wait for my uncle to leave us when its time. A lot has happened then.
**This will be a long post because I will try to be as detailed as possible. 

March 13, 2013

We visited my uncle just as we usually do. He was transfered out of the ICU and placed in his own private room. All my family members from my dad’s side were there except my uncle’s kids because they still had work. We were all there talking and just enjoying our time together with my uncle near us. Little by little, everyone started going home, saying their goodbyes. My dad, mom, siblings, together with two of my aunts and a cousin and I decided to go out for dinner. My uncle’s son was assigned to stay in the hospital for that night. We left at around 10pm. My dad told my brother that they would go back to the hospital at around 11pm to give a pulse/oxygen intake reader for my uncle to use instead of the ECG reader.

At 11pm, we were finished with dinner, and we went our separate ways. My dad and brother dropped me, my mom and sister at home, got the pulse/oxygen level reader and drove back to the hospital. At 11:30pm, they were back home and everything was normal.

Things went downhill from 12:15mn, March 14, 2013.

March 14, 2013

12:15a.m. – My dad was sleeping, I was playing with my younger sister, and my brother just walked into my parents room, and my mom was checking if my sister’s homework was correct.  All of a sudden, my mom got a call from my cousin, Jean (my uncle’s daughter), that my uncle went under cardiac arrest. I remember looking at my sister and we both had a what-do-we-do expression. My dad was getting dressed, my brother was ready to leave, my mom was getting her purse and I decided to go with them too. My sister had to stay at home because she had to go to school in the morning.

12:30a.m. – We arrived at the hospital. My dad didn’t even get to turn off the engines yet when my brother and I opened the doors immediately and ran to my uncle’s room as fast as possible. We passed by the ER Room, the cashier, the hallways – we passed by so many people looking at us in despair because they knew that something has happened to whoever we were running to in the hospital at 12:30 in the morning. I reached the private rooms first, and I saw my cousin, Mark (my uncle’s son), almost in tears right outside my uncle’s room. I gave him a big hug, and he left because he was trying to contact his sister. I looked into the room and all I saw were these people with white coats. Honestly, I thought he was gone because they were just standing there. I couldn’t go in because I didn’t want to see him yet. My mom arrived and went in. She talked with the doctors and nurses. My dad showed up next. He told me and my brother to comfort Kuya Mark because at this point, he was already crying hysterically. He thought the same thing I did.

12:40a.m – I hear the clacking of slippers against the hospital floor, and I knew immediately that Ate Jean was rushing to see her dad. My brother, Kuya Mark and I ran to her. Ate Jean stopped at the doorway and froze immediately. Kuya Mark hugged her because she was just hard like a statue. She might’ve thought the same thing I did. My uncle’s wife arrived a few minutes after Ate Jean did. She couldn’t believe her eyes either. She screamed a deafening scream because she thought, like I and my cousins did, that the love of her life was gone.

12:45a.m – My mother informed my uncle’s immediate family that the doctors were able to revive him. I was trying to calm my cousins down while my dad and brother were seated right outside the room. All the doctors were filing out of the room, and it was our turn to get a good look at him. There was blood everywhere, and he looked more helpless than ever. I never really liked to look at my uncle like that. One, because I didn’t want to see him all lifeless and stuff and two, he looked so much like my dad I just didn’t want my dad to be ever in that position.

1:00am – My uncle’s immediate family were talking to him. They were saying their goodbyes and that they would love him forever. One of my aunt’s arrived too (Tita Emmy). At this point, we were just sitting inside the room (Except for my dad, he always stayed outside. I think he didn’t want me or anyone else to see him cry. Also, he didn’t want to see his brother that way) staring at each other, staring at nothing. The doctors gave my uncle medicine to help his heart continue working, and they also attached a machine ventilator to help him breath. The only thing you could here in the room were sobbing, the beeps from the ECG machine, and the sound of the machine ventilator. It was eerily unpleasant. My family made a decision that if ever her were to have a heart attack again or if the medicines ran out, that the doctors were to not revive him anymore. Basically, we just bought 12hours more with my uncle. That was the most important 12 hours of my life.

2:00a.m. – Everyone decided to sleepover at the hospital, except my dad. We told him to rest at home. We rented another room for us to sleep in. I don’t think anyone could really sleep at the time. I tried, but an hour later, I walked back to my uncle’s room.

3:00 – 7:30a.m.  – I found out that the cardinals elected a new pope. We decided to watch the happenings in Rome. We told my uncle we had a new pope and what was going on in Rome. I kept holding his hand the whole time. At around 4am, we found out who the pope was, and my mom told me to get some sleep while she and Tita Emmy will stay in my uncle’s room to keep watch. I was only able to get some sleep at around 5:30am.

7:30a.m – My mom woke me up and told me that my uncle’s medicines were almost finished. I immediately got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and walked sleepily to my uncle’s room.

8:00a.m. – My uncle’s medicines were completely finished. I braced myself because I thought that once the medicines were gone, he would start to get weak. Apparently, the medicines stayed in his system for 5 more hours. My uncle’s immediate family started to cry again so everyone started to cry too. Ate Jean called her son on the phone. She wanted him to talk to his grandpa. Her son knew that his grandpa was very sick. This was what he told my uncle: “Goodbye, grandpa. I’ll miss you. You’re an angel now. Watch over me and Rian (his sister). I love you very much.” When I heard that, I tried so hard to hold back my tears. At least Gabby was able to know his grandpa.

9:00a.m – 12:30p.m.  – That was the longest wait of my life. We kept talking to my uncle, holding his hand…we just made him feel that his family was there for him, fighting with him. There wasn’t much that we could do but wait. My dad was always outside the room. I went out occasionally just to check up on him. I knew he was hurting so much inside. Ate Jean’s husband arrived and informed us that he brought the kids with him. They were inside the car with their maids. My brother and I wanted to say hi to them so the three of us (me, my brother and Kuya Riel) walked to the parking lot. I was so happy to see their bright faces smiling up at us. We stayed in the parking lot for 10 minutes. We went back to my uncle’s room at 12:30p.m.

12:30p.m.- 1:05p.m.  – “His heart rate dropped to 35.” The smile from when I saw my niece and nephew immediately disappeared. At the same time, my uncle’s eldest daughter, Ate Farrah, just arrived from Lingayen (about a 2 hour drive to our city). We all knew that it was close. I kept watching his heart graph on the ECG machine. It stayed on 35 for a while. I’d like to believe that he waited for his eldest daughter to arrive before he said goodbye. A couple minutes later, his HR went up to 50, dropped to 35, went up to 40, dropped to 35, dropped to 27, then 23, then, 19, then —–.

1:05p.m – I saw how slowly the color in him was fading away. I saw how slowly the life in him was disappearing. That was the first time had someone pass away right before my eyes. I decided to leave the room with one of my cousins, and accompany my dad outside. My cousin and I were both crying and my dad was being strong for all of us. My dad told us to pick ourselves up because we had to be strong too for the family. We had to help out in any way that we can. I did that immediately.

UN-TIMED:
I entered the room and heard the eery long beep in the room signifying that a life has ended. The doctors were removing the medicines and tubes attached to his nose and throat. All my family members left the room one by one and moved on to the other room that we rented to understand what just happened. I stayed in my uncle’s room to help pack up his stuff and everyone else’s things.

The hospital people cleaned my uncle up, wrapped him up like a mummy and brought him down to the ground floor because they were to bring him immediately to the funeral parlor.

And just like that, my uncle was gone. It didn’t even feel as if we waited for almost 24 hours. It felt much much shorter than that. Tita Emmy told my mom that my brother broke down in the room that we rented. He said that all the brothers of my dad here in the Philippines are gone now and he couldn’t help but think that our dad could be gone anytime too. I try to avoid the thought of my dad, mom or anyone else dying because I always think of my little sister and how she will handle things.

We were all at the funeral parlor at around 4p.m. My mom and I were the one’s choosing the coffin. After that was finished, my mom and I decided to go see my uncle being embalmed. Now, before you all go WTF YOU WANTED TO SEE YOUR UNCLE BE EMBALMED YOU ARE ONE SICK MOTHERFCKER, I am not scared about that sort of stuff. I actually think its very interesting.

My family decided to go home and shower because we stayed overnight in the hospital with barely any sleep and were still wearing the same clothes the night before. After my mom and I cleaned up, we, plus my dad headed back to the funeral parlor. My brother passed out on his bed. He was too tired.

Up until today, images of my uncle on his hospital bed randomly pop up in my head. I am still very sad that he is gone. I always think about how my dad is doing. Tito Billy was the last brother he had here in the Philippines. All of their other siblings are in the US. My dad will have to act as sort of a dad to my everyone here now. At least three of his siblings will be flying from the States to visit. I hope that’ll liven up his mood. xxx

Rest in Peace, Tito Billy. At least now you are no longer suffering, no longer worrying, and you are now at peace with Lola, Lola, Tito Ocay, Tito Bing and Tito Pat. 

Thank you to, you, who made it to the end of this post! 😀 May your live your life to the fullest. Take care.

xoxo
Samantha Jean

Happy Birthday, Cleopatra!

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Happy Birthday to one of the first friends I made in college and also to one of my closest ones today!  I am so excited for whatever is out there for you! I cannot wait to see you in magazines and tell people and boast that I know you and you are my friend. HAHA. I sincerely wish you all the best and know that whenever you need something, I am one of those people who will not think twice to say…….NO. CHOS. KIDDING! haha I will forever be by your side if ever you need something, even if we may be miles apart. I will forever support you in whatever your choice is in life. FOREVER GONNA BE A STAGE FRIEND! I am saying these things because I know with all my heart that you will make it out there, you will be famous!!! 😀 and when you already are, you will feed me!

On to more personal things, thank you for your laughter, your jokes, your insights, your understanding nature and love for making college bearable. You are one of the smartest, down-to-earth people I know and I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You taught me how to NOT STUDY haha, and more importantly, you taught me how to be strong and carefree. You taught me that simplicity is also beauty and that we shouldn’t try hard to get people to like who we are. You taught me to fight for what we believe in and that we shouldn’t take bullcrap from people. You taught me so much, I don’t even know why I even bothered going to school. HAHAHA. (Sayo nalang sana ako nakinig for 4 years. chos haha.) We have been friends for four years now, and I cannot wait to see how our friendship will grow in the following years to come.

You are a dreamer! Never ever stop dreaming because, honey, that means you’ll stop living, and I know you just want to make the most out of everything you have! Also, try not to fall asleep at the most odd places HAHAHA I have tons of pictures of you sleeping!

I will miss you so much, Zelpha Marie, and I cannot wait to see your face in a Vogue Magazine one of these days! 🙂

Thank you so much, Ms. Bahamas! I couldn’t have asked for a better friend and sister. Happy happy birthday, again! May your life be forever filled with color and adventure 🙂

**Zeh is an awesome make-up artist! You guys should check out her make-up blog here!