“There’s a fork in the road. What now?”

…. is exactly the thing that I fear most right now. I literally have one foot on one road and one foot on another, and I hope there will never come a time where I have to choose which road to continue on and which one to leave behind.

One road I’m on is the decent one, the one that everyone is expected to take. I’m studying French and Spanish right now because I think that it will totally help with my career in the international relations field. I want to master both languages and maybe take a Masters degree in one (or two HAHAHA I know…) But, I definitely want to work for the Department of Tourism. Those are the main points in my career path. For the sub-points, I’ll just have to figure those out as I go along.

The other road is the road less traveled. Yup, dance. I’ve decided to be a bellydance apprentice under the tutelage of the best bellydance mentor in the country, Miss Jill Ngo. Also, I, along with a few of my friends, were offered a dance scholarship under our dancesport coach, Miss Belinda Adora. I am so grateful and excited for both these opportunities because they’ve both expressed great interest in investing in my talents and would want to continue in honing my skills. I totally cannot pass these up!

If I were to choose which one to keep without any consequences, I’d choose dance for sure. No hesitation. But, why not just continue on with that from the start, right? Don’t get me wrong, the career path I want to take is something that I’m passionate in as well. I’ve just had dance occupy my heart more.

But, here’s my thought process: I have it laid out in my head that if I have a career plan, and a solid one at that, meaning something I know that I can stick to, and show my parents that I can be mature and responsible in working hard and focusing on that road, then there is no way that they can say I can’t dance. If I can do both, and I know I can, I have to, then why not.

As I’ve mentioned in the start, the fear of maybe having to ultimately choose one at the end is a very daunting task. This is the time that I need to be strong and determined, more than I’ve ever been my whole life. If I lose my career path, I wouldn’t know what my parents would say and I wouldn’t also know how to feel that I let something important to me go. If I lose my dance path, that will be the total destruction of my entire being (lol over acting, I know, but it’s true).

I know people can’t have it all, but I’m determined to at least have these two together side by side until when the crows turn white.

I need to rant.

What really bothers me right now is how some people call themselves [professional] dancers when in fact they are in no way near being one technique wise, performance wise, and everything in between. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally game for people sharing the love and passion for dance, even if they don’t know how to. Just seeing those kinds of people understand how beautiful and happy the art of dance makes everyone never fails to bring me to tears. But, once you go out with the utmost confidence dancing as if you’re better than those seen on So You Think You Can Dance and claiming it too, then that is quite troubling for me.

I took my dancing seriously when I was 17 years old. 4 years later, I am still taking classes and pushing myself to cross train in other dance styles because I know that it will help me become a better dancer and I want to widen my dance vocabulary. I’d like to think that I’m a hard worker, and I know that I’ve had some shortcomings, but I try my best to push myself everyday to be the best that I can be. (Let me just clear things out that in no way am I saying that I’m better or above everyone else. I know that I have a long long long way to go. hihi)

So, to meet and see people who take legit dance classes not take those classes seriously nor respect the teacher is totally totally getting under my skin.

There are some who shared stories with me about how they’ve been performing for how 7 or 8 years already, and when we started taking our first dance class together, it was as if it was her first lesson ever. (Even the dance teacher points this out.) Others brag about the same thing and assure me that the dance class we’re in is a piece of cake, but end up looking at the best student in class the whole time. Others brag about being trained in countless numbers of dance, but when asked by our dance teacher to do the ChaCha or do a soutenu turn, they can’t do it properly and receive curse words as feedback instead.

There are others, on the other hand, who do not understand this: dance teacher > student. I’ve seen some disrespect dance teachers by always being on their cellphones while running a routine WITH LIMITED TIME. After running the routine once, they’d immediately go to their phones and check what’s new on their facebook news feeds (when you and I know that nothing significantly changes on facebook in the span of 2 minutes). Then when the teacher asks everyone to run it again, they’d take their precious time walking at the glacial pace to their first blocking. I’ve seen some not respect the creative license of some teachers because (1) the choreography is difficult, and (2) they do not feel pretty enough while doing a certain step. (For real.)

I’ve seen this type the most: those who complain incessantly throughtout the whole rehearsal session because (1) they were yelled at, (2) their feet ache, or (3) the steps are difficult to master and end up sitting on the sides more than actually doing the steps. But when they get to log into their facebook accounts, they post “Great rehearsal day today! Worked so hard!” Really? Like…no.

One more thing! In dance classes, you try your best to avoid hurting your classmates. But when you do ACCIDENTALLY hit them IN THE LEAST AMOUNT OF PRESSURE POSSIBLE (I’m talking brushed by a pinky kind of pressure or hit my the back of your hand in like a tap kind of pressure) and they end up disrupting the whole class with their whaling and start complaining and sit throughout the whole rehearsal, then I can’t take it anymore. HAHA That is my ultimate pet peeve. I’m talking more over acting than a fake foul in basketball or football or whatever.

But going back to my point, it just bothers me how these people call themselves dancers when in the first place, they don’t respect the art form. They just don’t.  Everyone can dance, but it take so much more to become a dancer. I feel like I’m being insulted, and so are my dance teachers, my dance friends, and everyone else who I know have worked so hard to be pros at what the do, because if they can call themselves dancers without putting in the hours, blisters, and muscle pain, then why can’t I just do that too right? If they can just attend a dance class without actually dancing in one and then say that they’re at an intermediate level in jazz or ballet, then why can’t I just do that too? I’d rather have you come to a dance class without any background at all, respect the teacher, the art, the rehearsal time, and take everything you learned to make yourself better and vow to improve yourself the next time around, instead of coming to class taking all your ego with you, not work hard for it, return to class the same way you attend your first one 7 or 8 years ago, and just still call yourself a dancer. I just really can’t.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way? Any dancers out there? Athletes? Artists? Pros in their certain field who feel the same?

SIGH. ok, rant over.

23 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

Thought Catalog

Sascha KohlmannSascha Kohlmann

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able…

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Human Error

The inability to realize
that no matter what our
religion or gender or race
or geographic background,
we all have about 98 percent
in common with each other.
Yes, the differences between
male and female are biological,
but if you look at the biology
as a matter of percentage,
there aren’t a whole lot of
things that are different.
Race is different purely as a
social construction, not as
an inherent difference. And
religion – whether you believe
in God or Yahweh or Allah or
something else, odds are that
at heart you want the same
things. For whatever reason,
we like to focus on the
2 percent that’s different,
and most of the conflict
in the world comes from that.

– pg 77, Every Day by David Levithan

Cruising

What’s going on with my life since my last post? Was I able to enroll? Are the professors giving me hell? Am I regretting my choice of going back to school?

School started a few weeks ago (and I guess you can infer that, yes, I was able to enroll YEY : ) , but the enrollment process has been THE most tiring and frustrating one I’ve ever had to encounter in my life.), and everything’s just going steady and smooth.

I’m taking both French and Spanish classes, but I wasn’t able to enroll in the classes that I should take to continue on with what I already took up in Ateneo because the European Languages Department at UP said that I had to go back a week after the regular enrollment schedule to ask (again) if I can take the classes that I needed to take. If they decide that I can enroll, I have to take a placement test. But here’s the thing, they’re not sure that I’m going to have a slot left by the time that I would’ve gone back to talk to them because regular enrollment finished already, and when I saw the slots on the computer, there were only 1 or 2 slots left in all the classes. So, the woman who I talked to just advised me to take the basic classes again for review and mastery. So, that’s what I’m doing now.

My schedule’s pretty light. My classes are from Tuesdays to Fridays. My day starts at 10:00am, and I get off at 2:30pm everyday. Not bad at all. I’ve made a few friends, but I don’t hang out  with them during my break because they have their own schedules, cliques, etc… I’m fine with that. I’ve always been the type of person that likes to be with people but can also survive when I’m on my own. During my break, which is an hour and a half, if my best friend is free, we have lunch together or I usually go to the nearest Starbucks to rewrite my notes, do homework, fix my schedule, read, draw…whatever really.

I’ve joined two organizations in UP: Le Club Français and UP Dancesport Society. I can’t wait for the org activities to start because then at least I’ll have more things to do, and I get to meet new people which is always a plus.

Hmmmm what else? Aside from school, I’m still dancing yyeeeeey! I’m rehearsing with Miss Jill Ngo, the best belly dancer in the country, for a belly dance recital on October 11! I’m really excited for that one : )

But right now, I’m just cruising, really. I’ve set my mind to think and focus on my goals everyday, and I feel like I’m at a good place right now. We’ll see.

‘Til the next entry, xoxo

 

#ThoughtsBeforeBedtime

every night, i pray to keep my dad healthy, my mom patient, my sister happy, my brother safe, my older sister strong, and my other brother loved. And I just realized that I’ve been praying about other people for the past years more than I’ve had time to stop and think and pray about myself. What do I need? What characteristic do I need to stick to? I’ve been the saddest of sad for a week or two now and I think I understand that I haven’t given myself enough time to breath and stop and also think about me. I keep doing the 10 deep breaths thing since yesterday, and that actually does help a lot. I feel like tomorrow (because I feel like another day or two, i’m going to burst and just can’t handle it all), i just need to write down what i need to do about me and what’s going on around me to have a sense of order, and to understand more others’ points of view aside from my own.

Back to School Jitters

You guys have no idea about the internal battle happening inside me right now. I’ve been literally exclaiming “AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH” out loud every hour or so, especially when I’m about to go to sleep, and whoever is around me starts to think I’m crazy.

The last time I took a French class was two years ago, and my last Spanish class was a year ago. If you don’t already know, I’ve decided to go back to school this year at the University of the Philippines. I’ll be taking French and/or Spanish units to qualify for an MA program in the same university.  I am stressing myself out too much; I’m not even kidding.

Let me just type my thoughts down for my peace of mind. Okay. I have a post somewhere here entitled Don’t Let the Voices in Your Head Ruin YouRightly so! But, the voices in mine have multiplied in number and it’s difficult for me to just ssssshhhh them. You know what I mean?

One keeps saying “you’re going to embarrass yourself” – because I don’t know what it is about me, every new school year, I always find a way to embarrass myself. HAHAHA. I think it’s more of a reminder than a taunt. In Tony the Tiger’s words, g-r-r-reat!. HA. 

One keeps saying “your teachers are going to despise you” – but if the language professors in UP are anything like the ones in Ateneo (minus my French 5 professor – she was the ultimate worst – or if they are like her, then cool I’ve had my training), I’ll be so happy!

One keeps saying “your classmates are going to make fun of your lack of knowledge of French/Spanish vocabulary” – gulp! I’ve seen how different UP and Ateneo teaches languages. In UP, the language they choose is their major! It’s what they eat, drink, and breath all day errday. In Ateneo, it’s just a minor course. So, unlike UP where they’re hardcore learning everyday, Ateneo only offers classes every other day and I’m guessing fewer hours than UP. Dear classmates, no biting s’il vous plaît! 

Aside from that, I’ve only been freaking about that for like 20% of my time. The 80% is focused on “ARE THEY GOING TO LET ME ENROLL? I HOPE THERE WASN’T ANY MISCOMMUNICATION FROM THE LAST TIME I WENT TO ASK IF I CAN ENROLL. THEY TOLD ME TO GO BACK ON AUGUST 4 RIGHT? SO THAT’S WHAT I’M GOING TO DO. PLEASE GOD DON’T LET THEM CHANGE THE RULES OR WHATEVER” Literally THIS in my head for the past week.

I just really really really want the first day to be quick and painless. First day of classes is on August 7, and I’m going down to Manila on the 3rd! It’s like I want to get over with it already, but I want to just have my own pause button and postpone going back to school. I’ve never been the type of person to handle nervousness properly. Help?

Anyway, I just needed to get that out to help me process my thoughts more. I am a crazy wreck right now! Wish me luck, you guys!

Random Acts Of Kindness

I’ve recently gone back to my endless Tumblr scrolling nights, and I saw a post that I didn’t want to forget and thought to pass it along to you guys as well. Here’s what the post said:

Have you ever come across a homeless individual and felt totally uncomfortable?

You see them and you know they are in need, but you are not sure what to do. You know that handing them money is not the best thing. But, you also see that they clearly have some needs. Their lips are chapped. They are hungry. They are thirsty. They are asking for help.

How can you help?

Here is a simple idea – blessing bags.

There are so many beggars and homeless people in Manila, from toddlers to really old people. They usually go up to your car while you’re stuck in traffic or at a stop light, knock on your window, and hope that someone rolls it down to give them food, money, or whatever else. Some even approach you while you’re just walking on the street. There are people who are a bit skeptical about the beggars because some believe that they just pretend to beg to get extra money or they, specifically the kids, work for a group who tells the kids to beg for money and give it to whoever’s in charge. Both instances have been proven, but that’s not always the case.

Whenever I see beggars approach my car or me while I’m walking, as much as possible I don’t give them money. Rather, I give them food instead. They’re very thankful after, so it really makes me feel happy to see them happy over a simple granola bar or fries from Mcdonald’s . I really have a soft spot for them!

The blessing bag (if you’ve clicked the link to the post and saw the picture hihi) is just a simple zip lock bag filled with a few crackers, toiletries, socks, and coins that you could keep a few (or a lot!) in your car and just give it to the homeless if you come across one. You can add whatever you want too – whatever you feel that they’d appreciate or really need : )

This is such a brilliant and simple way to just go out of your way to do something for someone else. And it doesn’t even have to be just for the homeless. You can do something nice for a friend, a family member, a co-worker, someone you met on the bus, whoever! Random acts of kindness can totally brighten up your day and everyone else’s!

So, that’s that! Here’s hoping that you, wherever you are, have a fantastic day ahead, and always remember to smile and just let all the positivity flow through you : )

Halfway Through with 2014!

PicMonkey Collage.jpg

This is what the first half of my 2014 looks like!

1st row: New year’s with Larrisa, first party of the year with my college barkada, watched Wicked, roaring 20’s debut with my dance friends, judged another PE finals 

2nd row: picture with my students <3, Ateneo Bonfire, FIS Class of 2014 graduation faculty “We did it” picture, ice skating with my co-teachers, karaoke with my college barkada

3rd row: @ Larrisa’s debut with Baguio people, then with Bea and Lar, La Union trip with my family, visit to Dinosaur Island with my siblings : ), Easter Sunday picture with both my sisters

4th row: drinking session with my cousins & siblings, Powerdance Workshop pictorial, 1st complete picture of my siblings and I with our dad : ), saying bye to my Ate and her family at the airport, Boracay 2014 with my siblings and our dad

5th row: Island hopping with my family, went ziplining for the first time!! and blew the candle from my birthday cake : ), Hamada family picture by the beach, birthday dinner with my college friends, and random dinner with them. 


So far, I feel like my year has been a smooth sailing one. I’ve learned to just take everything all in (not all at once though!) by just being more open to whatever comes my way. What’s your year looking like?